On a recent trip to visit my mother, an interesting thing happened.
I was helping her sort through a few boxes of old clothing, when she pulled out these silk lingerie pieces in impeccable condition. They varied in length and color, and they all radiated an alluring mix of casual sensuality and comfortable glamour. There was one that especially caught my eye -- goldenrod colored and floor-length, I was already imagining the way that the light in my apartment would catch it as I indulged in some morning self love.
But what made this loungewear even more special was the story behind it - decades ago, this lingerie was one that my father bought for my mother. Feeling the material in my hands, I thought about the history of the piece; I felt the residual feelings of love and tenderness that were divided into that purchase and woven into the fabric itself, clinging there even so many years later. Even after the end of the romance between my parents, the love that they once had for each other still remains there, with me, with the things that my mother can pass along to me in tangible forms, like this lingerie.
Creating space to honor the relationships and individuals that have impacted us come from actually holds a bigger part in shaping how we love and view our senxuality than we give it credit. Our families -- however you define that for yourself -- are often the first examples that we have to what love could look like, and as we get older we work through the ways that these messages have shaped our own love lives. But when it comes to our sensuality, honoring these ancestral ties play a huge role because they are often the foundation to our individual love languages, and how we express those love languages.
How do we hold space to honor our ancestors within our sexuality? What does it look like to make room for both to coexist together?
These are important questions that we can begin to center in our daily practices. Are we taking time to fill our alters, or spaces dedicated to helping us recenter ourselves, with items that help us to feel good and remind us of this inner power we hold? This doesn’t mean literally holding our toys next to pictures of our loved ones, but it does mean having reminders of different parts of your life coexisting together. Maybe a candle can stand beside your journal and favorite crystal? A item gifted by a loved one next to your favorite novel. They don’t have to be explicit, or public, only meaningful to you; active reminders that you exist as a multifaceted individual.
In this gifted silk lingerie, I see a reminder that there’s a real power in marrying these two parts of myself. It’s a nice reminder that I can exist as a woman in touch with her inner sensuality and one that gives love and gratitude for the family that has come before me, has helped to shape me who I am today. These parts all matter. They’re all important to honor and hold space for.
