"There isn’t room in my heart for us both”
Your words swim behind my eyelids every night.
Circling the same paths on familiar maps, inhaling sharply as we climb up again.
Keeping to the edges of that familiar path,Shying away from the light, ears flattened and fur raised. I leaned towards the wide stretch of night, towards my own shadow, And looked for your face among the trees.
My promise to myself, that I’ll never belong to any man, nor place,
Ringing in my ears, echoing in my heart, and every touch, every step,
Brings me further from you, further from the dark.
I woke with every sunrise to see you gone, leaving behind that same familiar heart-shaped impression in your wake.
Running through the night
Soles black, clothes tattered and torn
Traveling back to that home we made together, filled with our sweet nothings and wooden figures that whisper to each other each night “My sweet, I’ll love you forever and a day.”
I dusted my tracks but you always managed to find me, always knew just where to look.
With each soft step I felt your breath hot against my neck. Every night I pushed you away, but you pulled me into your embrace, sharpened claws against my throat
You pleaded, and I relented, slowing my pace to match yours.
At the end of each day we’d collapse into a pile,Little broken dolls with chipped paint and varnish worn thin around our edges. Each night I watched the moon rise as you slid slowly into sleep, I felt your arms pull me in tighter, until I couldn’t draw breath.
I’d trace the constellation of freckles on your skin with my fingertips, lips parted, eyes closed.
I whispered the story of us in your ear, and waited until your breath was soft, steady, and slow.
In the darkness I tried and failed to match your pace.
You held me so tightly, and I felt my ragged breaths become shallow.
Every night I’d tilt my face up to meet the stars and smiled,Remembering when we could still run with the light.
I fell once, fell for you, fell into you.
You’d slid your hand into mine and told me to be brave, to look into the night head on.
It was our velvet sky, you said; for as long as we chose it together.
Darkness fell, and I rose up for the first time, unencumbered by the weight of your love.
I rise up to meet it head on, eyes open and heart intact.
Words by Arielle Mae